Pregnant at 45!

Yes!!

 And we are currently at 26 weeks now. Me and the baby are both doing good. Praise God!

I never thought that I will someday write about my pregnancy here in this blog, well, after praying and waiting for 12 years, who would have thought it could still be possible right?

Photo not mine

But our God is God of impossible. Nothing is too hard for HIM! Because you read it right my dearest friends. I am pregnant for the very first time at 45 years old, conceived naturally.

We did not know we were pregnant, I never had morning sickness, nor any signs except for missed period which is a regular occurrence for me since I was diagnosed with PCOS.

How did I figure it out?

Well, last September (first week) I had frequent heartburn to the point that I couldn’t sleep properly at night. Research I made (a.k.a  googling)  said it could also be signs of pregnancy. After knowing that, I was already restless, it’s as if somebody is whispering to me to go buy a pregnancy test.

The night of September 13, I bought two pregnancy test, that night on my first try, it gave me 2 pink lines! I can’t believe it. I almost did not sleep but I kept it to myself. The morning after,  I tried again and there it was! My 2 pink lines.  I woke up my still sleeping husband (whose birthday is on that day!) and showed him the two pregnancy tests. His first reaction was “is that yours?”  we then both laugh!

We decided to go to OB/sonologist for an ultrasound early that morning.  There inside that tiny room, we both cried when they confirmed to us that we are pregnant and that we are already 21 weeks and 1 day!!! Imagine that! I whispered a prayer and thanked our GOD for keeping us safe despite of not having prenatal check up for the first 20 weeks.

God is amazing! And He does amazing things to His children. I know it is not a reward because who are we to be given that reward? It was not because we are faithful or good but it is solely because GOD is FAITHFUL and HE is so GOOD!

After the very huge storm in our married life last year, He has given us this special gift. Our heart is full and we are forever grateful.

To GOD be the GLORY!

Fertility and Vitamin B12

Aside from the chasteberry fruit or vitex that I am taking now as supplement, my husband and I are also taking Vitamin B12 (and three more vitamins which I will all blog here). Hoping and praying that in due time, we will have our own bundle of joy :)

So why B12? How does it affects fertility?

Because according to studies (so many literature-you can all google them) )B12 can improve sperm quality and sperm motility (for men) and deficiency of B12 may result to irregular ovulation or no ovulation at all (which is my case)

 It also helps boost the endometrium lining in egg fertilization thereby decreasing the chances of miscarriage which only means B12 will  help pregnant women  carry the baby in full term.

I hope it would really help us this time.

Chasteberry fruit or Vitex

It's been 23rd day since I started taking this supplement. I can not say yet if there are changes in my cycle because as I have read, I should wait for at least 3 months to see the benefit of this.

Anyways,I decided to try this herbal supplement after reading from  natural fertility website.

According to the article, Vitex Agnus Cactus or also known as the Chasteberry fruit has been shown in studies to:

Inhibit follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH): Vitex increases the secretion of luteinising hormone (LH), which in turn increases progesterone.  

 Lengthens a short luteal phase: Studies have shown vitex to be affective at lengthening the luteal phase. While it does not contain any hormones itself, it does help the body to increase its own production of luteinizing hormone (promoting ovulation to occur) which in turns boosts progesterone levels during the luteal phase of the cycle. 

Increased progesterone levels: Vitex has been shown to stimulate the formation of the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum is responsible for the secretion of progesterone. In a study of 45 women, 86% responded positively with normalized or significantly improved progesterone levels.

Reduces advancement of mild endometriosis: Vitex is used in Germany by gynecologists to treat mild endometriosis and prevent it from advancing.

May help prevent miscarriage: Vitex has a beneficial impact on progesterone levels. If miscarriages are due to low progesterone, vitex may help to normalize or increase progesterone levels. Vitex may be considered safe to use during pregnancy, but make sure to consult with a healthcare practitioner when using this herb during pregnancy. Also make sure to read our ‘Use During Pregnancy’ section below. 

Relieves PMS: Clinical research has shown that vitex may be very beneficial for PMS symptoms, especially depression, headaches, rashes, acne, allergies and sensitivity of the breasts. In one study improvement of PMS by the first month was experienced by 32% of the women. By the third month 84% of the women experienced improvement of their PMS.

Lack of menstruation (amenorrhea): In a study of 15 women with amenorrhea, 65% had resumed a menstrual cycle by the sixth month of use. Progesterone levels also increased.

Irregular menstruation: Vitex has been shown to help balance both an absent menstrual cycle as well as aid a menstrual cycle that is heavy or too frequent.

Uterine cysts: Vitex has been found to be helpful at reducing cysts that are growing within the smooth muscle layer of the uterus.

Stabilization of menstruation after stopping birth-control pills: After discontinuing estrogen-containing birth control pills, vitex taken for several months has been shown to help stabilize the cycle and induce ovulation more quickly.

Helps stimulate milk production in new mothers: For over 2,000 years vitex has been used to help stimulate mother’s milk. Begin using vitex right after birth and continue for 10 days or more as needed.
Acne: Several studies have shown an improvement in the skin with the use of vitex. Along with appropriate diet changes vitex may help acne.
Vitex can help basically any issues that one experiences that disappear once pregnancy begins and returns after breastfeeding ends.

If you want to read more about vitex and fertility, click on the link above. I've learned a lot about natural fertility in that site, not only about Vitex but also natural foods that helps you get pregnant. I hope I can have good news to you all after some more months!!

Abbreviation of terms in Fertility

For many years that I've been reading about infertility and getting pregnant I've encountered lots of terms that at first I was like"what is this?" and often times i stop reading and search for the meaning of that abbreviated word or the acronym.

I gathered some of the words and listed them here hoping that it would help those who are reading about infertility too.

TTC - Trying To Conceive

CD- Cycle Day

OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kits

BD - Baby Dance (which means making love or the intercourse)

BBT - Basal Body Temperature (this is being use to chart your body temp, to know if you have ovulated or not)

 HPT  - Home pregnancy test

AF - Aunt Flo (menstrual period)

BFP - Big Fat Positive ( which means a positive pregnancy test)

DPO- Days PAst Ovulation

PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - which is my case :(

Those are the very common acronym words I see from day to day, but feel free to add  the words you know too.

Happy news. Hopeful

I got a happy e-mail today from my best friend in our home province, my matron of honor during my wedding. She confirmed that she is pregnant (3 months) and that I'm gonna be a ninang (godmother) soon!

So yes that's a happy news. See, this friend of mine has been married 10 years ago and they've been waiting for this gift ever since.

Ten long years and God did not fail them.

This mail made me more hopeful that someday soon it will be our turn. Someday soon it will be me emailing friends, announcing that we are expecting. Someday soon.

For now, I remain hopeful.

Once again

My sister in law who got married (to my husband's younger brother) last November 30 is already expecting! Yes, you read it right, got married 3 months  ago and is now pregnant.  Oh you can read it with a sarcastic tone just like the way I wrote it because really..2 months or so after the wedding? And us 5 years and 11 months?? and still no baby news to tell and shout and jump about.

Oh yes, I'm sulking once again and I cried once again and I asked once again- Why not me??? You can scold me for that and I won't get mad because that is how I am really feeling right now. After all I am entitled to my own feeling.

Of course I am happy and excited for them, excited for the newest addition to the family ( I love this couple and they are very close to us and for sure I will love the baby also) my sulking has nothing to do with them having a baby, not at all,  it is about me waiting for the longest time.

And once again, I am preparing myself to the endless comments from people around us "oh you'll be next"- I just hope it is true and we will be next (as in tomorrow or next week or next month) and though I don't want to get hurt by those positive comments somehow it affects me pa rin eh. Sigh

Will I ever be a MOM?

Honestly, if you ask me right now - my hope of bearing a child is getting slimmer everyday and everyday and I feel like blaming my self, a lot of ifs  kept running in my thoughts.

"if only I got married at an earlier age
if only I had myself regularly checked up by an OB ever since I started missing my monthly period,
if only I am not fat
if only I have money, 
if only I have taken good care of my self..."

Five more months and we're turning FIVE. And I am turning 38 next year. Sometimes I say, it's okay if I'll not be given the chance to become a mother but inside, it is still painful. It is still painful to know that you'll never experience the joy of motherhood, the joy of breastfeeding, the joy of being everything to someone, the joy of seeing your child smile for the first time.

And you know, even if I don't like it, when I look at my friends pictures and see their beautiful kids, I still cry not because I am not happy for them, it's just that the pain is overwhelming and I can't help it.

But I guess I will not dwell with the pain forever, I have to overcome it at some point. I have to accept it one day and begin living a life to the fullest despite not having a child. I know I will someday. After all I maybe not the only married woman in the world without a kid. And adoption is always an option to me.

And I know I will find joy in knowing that my husband's love will not be affected whether we conceived or not and that he will always be there for me, and that the two of us can grow old together. I know I can hold on to the vows he made even if I we are already old and all wrinkly (which reminds me of the eye wrinkle cream I so needed)

I am sure he will still hold my hand and we will still praise God together.

In My Womb

And before you think something else..let me get that straight..I am not pregnant..I am just fascinated and amazed by how the ultra sound technology has evolved today. Now you can not only see your unborn child's gender inside your womb but you can record a video and you can actually see his whole feature. isn't that amazing! Like even if he is still inside you can now see who's look alike is he or she.

We watched my friend's video tonight and for about 30 minutes we all gazed in awe how he moves his eyes, his cute little hands, he even opened and closed his palm..and wave it (well maybe not wave but he moved)

It's a little expensive to have that 4D ultra sound for pregnant ladies but i think it's worth it. In My womb is located in Makati and I hope I can afford them when it's my time.

Blog and pregnancy issues

Wow! It's been 5 days since my last post. Looks like I've neglected the blog huh? but of course not. It's just that I do not have anything special to write about. Well, I did some short but very personal posts in my other blog and you might want to check it sometime.

But since this was our wedding blog, I refrain from posting such personal feelings that only includes my emotion. As much as possible, all I want to write here are about weddings, marital issues, household topics, health, our journey to pregnancy and the like.

Oh..I guess I should have not mentioned pregnancy, because I admit. I'm at the end already. I'm losing hope that I would still be able to get pregnant and that HURTS me MOST. I'm 36, I'm fat, I'm Polycystic which means a lot of hormonal imbalance, and lastly we are not under any treatment right now. So why expect and hope right? I guess not hoping and expecting would somehow ease the burden.

Other than that. I'm fine. We are fine.

I. AM. OLD.

I feel old.

Oh well, I'm old. or I am getting old.

The signs? the fact that I am always on the look out of best anti wrinkle face cream, best anti-aging cream and many more kind of cream means I am old.

My body clock is telling me I won't be able to conceive anymore. I might but I am already on the high risk if ever. But I would still welcome it whatever risks it maybe. The question is will I have or will I not get pregnant?

I know it's becoming frustrating to read about my rants on pregnancy issues here but please bear with me. This is where I let out all those frustrations.

Again, I am not losing hope. I don't want to lose hope. And I put my HOPE in GOD because isn't it true that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE TO HIM?

"Mommy"

Still praying for someone to call me mommy, for that bundle of joy to come.

And it is so comforting to know that a lot of people are praying with us. Somehow the pain has lessened when we are being introduced to people we meet for the first time, saying that we still don't have a baby.

We are turning four on April 21. And I am not getting any younger, sometimes the hope fades and sometimes I get tired of dreaming but God is restoring me and He strengthens me from time to time.

I know someday I'll be able to go to baby's section too in the malls, I'll be able to taste the best prenatal vitamins that friends talk about, someday I'll be able to hear someone's heartbeat on my own body too.

Someday, someone will call me "mommy" too.

My awful and happy valentine

Is not a good one, it was totally awful, I did not even bother to wake up till it's past 1 in the afternoon. I didn't have breakfast and lunch. I didn't go to church this morning also which made it all the more awful. Why? well, you can read the story from my other blog.

So yes, I started my day at around past 2 Pm already, went down, ate and then went up to our room again, opened the PC and played some facebook games.

But guess what? it doesn't mean my day ended bad like the way it started because it's not. While playing I got a call from a dear friend who just came back from Palawan and told me the good news :) She's pregnant!! She said she had two pregnancy kit and both gave her two lines. I can sense the excitement, the happiness in her voice!!! although it's sad that she can't have coffee anymore but well I guess it's just right for her to not have any coffee but take prenatal vitamins instead.

Can't wait for her to tell our other friends the good news!! I'm sure everyone will be as excited as I was. But oh..I forgot she told me not to tell anyone yet so keep quite ok?

So you see? because of the happy news my day ended up with a special dinner at our house with crabs, pan grilled blue marlin, buttered vegetable, crab and corn soup, a cake, fresh oranges and a red wine to celebrate the day.

Hope you too had a fine day today! Have a happy week ahead everyone!

19.2 pound jumbo baby

He was delivered through CS section and if you wonder how he got that big, it is because the mom is diabetic and that raised her glucose level and the baby's. It is really a must to those pregnant women to really take good care of their health while pregnant or else something like this would happen.

Here's the story and picture from yahoo news


This photo provided by Abdul Manan District Hospital shows newly born baby boy Muhammad Akbar Risuddin, the heaviest newborn ever recorded in the country on September 23, 2009. An giant Indonesian newborn has become a tourist attraction, with dozens of people crowding a hospital to see the 8.7 kilogramme (19.2 pound) baby boy, his mother said Friday.

Pregnant woman got pregnant again

A woman is having two babies but they are not twins! While she is pregnant she conceived again after two and half weeks. The doctors saw it while having her regular ultra sound. Sounds impossible and it's extremely rare according to the experts.

And the doctor said the two babies might be born in different year, the older at the end of this year and the younger one at the first month of 2010.

Watch the video here.

http://gmy.news.yahoo.com/vid/15718290/

My thoughts - in vitro fertilization

I know I wanted a kid, either a boy or a girl, it does not really matter. But I can only want them. I cannot make them. I mean only God can make that miracle. I am just a vessel so if He wants it I can be a mom and hubby can be a dad whether we like it or not.

But to take things in our own hands, we can not just do that. Just a while ago, hubby and I were talking about the Octuplets that was born last January 29 to a mother who has already six children and all those kids she has were conceive through in vitro fertilization.

Now, we don't have anything against in vitro but to do it when you are still single and to do it more than once. I don't think it's normal. We strongly believe that God wants children to be born in a family with a mom and a dad. So I guess the mom of the woman who gave birth to the octuplets is right- her daughter is obsessed with having kids and I pray I won't be like that. Oh yes, I am praying for a child, we are praying but we still leave it in the hands of the Lord.

I wonder how it is to be a mom to 14 children with no husband around.

Well, to each his own. I’m sure she’ll find ways to raise all those kids but I just hope she’ll be able to raise them as good and responsible citizen of this world.

Monday Sickness

I am severely afflicted and I admit it.

It is so hard for me to wake up early on Monday morning because hubby can sleep as late as he can. It’s his day off and I am so jealous that I have to get up and go to work. Even more if I am having some hormonal changes due to monthly period which by the way I am right now. I noticed it’s been 2 months since I had my period. No, I did not even think I am pregnant because well, I just know I am not.

Hubby and I have not been talking about it lately. We discussed some plans of moving on and out of where we are now, we talked about doing missions together this year but we have never talked about being pregnant or the Doctors check-up. None at all.

Well, did we get tired of talking about it? I guess not.

I would actually want us to discuss it again, what are our options, where to ask for help? Shall we consult another OB?

It’s gonna be hard going thru some tests again but we will try again.

Michelle is pregnant!

Got good news today, my cousin Michelle who recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary is now pregnant!

Yesterday, we were talking about it over YM but she has not taken the test yet, this morning it’s confirmed. Praise God I am excited for her and I am so happy for both of them. I’m sure her mom will be excited too!

Surprisingly, the news didn’t hurt me that much like before. Maybe not unless super duper insensitive people would comment again and again to me saying “Ill be the next” or sometimes it can be so blatant as “when are you getting pregnant?” duh.

I hope they were able to read the do's and don't article so they won’t be insensitive.

Anyways, back to good news and good mood. I am just plain happy and excited to see Michelle give birth and see the baby..haha! to think it’s still 8 months to go.

And I’m happy too that I’ve changed. I am now at peace to whatever God’s will is for us.

For now, I'll just do my best and will try not to think about it that much and concentrate more on just being good to my self, implement exercise and diet strictly, hopefully because I don't want to resort to taking alli pills. Not just yet.

Again, Congrats Mich! So excited for you and Dax!

what to expect when you are not expecting

You read it right, “what to expect when you are not expecting” I hope there is a book like that, I could grab one and read it the whole day so I would know what to expect.

For the last few days, I am secretly thinking and wishing that I might be pregnant, with all the cravings and sluggishness I had but NO, I AM NOT for the nth time.

So what to expect? A series of, “it’s okay you’ll get pregnant soon”. .”Don’t worry in God’s perfect time..” ..“Don’t feel bad, God has better plans for you”

What can be worse than having a flu and your period at the same time? Or maybe I’m just over reacting.

There is hope

I just want to thank Mec for sharing me this story. I was like crying while reading her post. and as I've told her I was overwhelmed with hope and faith renewed that if God wants it then He can by all means defy whatever the science and the doctors of medicine are telling us.

Another reason of this new found hope, Mari, a good blogger friend who is also TTC is pregnant now, Isn't that enough reason to rejoice and be glad and hope that our own bundle of joy is also coming soon. I trust the Lord who is mighty to save and who is able to do things immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine.

how painful?

jerlyn's bestfriend, janina lost her baby last June 11,still birth at 8 months..I cannot say I know how she feels because I'm sure I don't. I know that it is painful and I laso felt pain for them pero I cannot really say how painful it is for them lalo na for janina, when we last saw each other nung birthday ng nephew ni jerlyn..she and her husband Ross were so excited about thier first baby, we even joked about the spelling of the baby's name.

But God has other plans obviously..Last night we had necrological service..and everyone is crying..including janina's father..Pastor Gani asked the couple to stand beside thier baby's coffin and asked them to say a prayer...and I cried mmore when I heard janina pray and give thanks to God for the 8 wonderful months of allowing her to feel what it is like to be a mom.

And then I asked God myself..Lord kung ako ba kakayanin ko ang ganito? Like January and Ross, they've waited and prayed for this gift, for this little bundle of joy and then kukunin din pala sa'yo.

I am not yet conceiving and things like this makes me more praning, kasi I knew how careful and how janina took care of her baby inside her womb..and she has all the resources...paano na lang kaya yung iba na wala man lang pang pre natal? pero naman..may mga mommies na hindi halos nagba- vitamins pero malusog namang ipinapanaganak ang maga anak...hay! we really cannot question how God works in our lives.

on the other hand...I will go and see my OB this Friday, not really to consult something..just wanna submit myself for another test..